Episode 012 : S2 Setting Boundaries
Boundaries are another form of self-care!
Allowing people unlimited access to you, all the time, isn't as sustainable as one would think.
This can be tricky to navigate, especially with family and friends.
In this week's episode, we discuss questions below to determine if you could benefit from boundaries:
Do you agree when you actually feel like disagreeing?
Do you feel guilty for taking “you” time?
Do you feel taken for granted?
Do you often feel drained by your relationships?
Do you have a strong fear of what others think of you?
There’s lots more, check out the episode in its entirety below or on any of your favorite streaming platforms!
Connect with us:
Instagram: @mdrnmadepodcast + @mdrnmade
email: hello@mdrnmade.com
Expand the episode transcript below for full time stamp transcript of this episode!
+ Episode Transcript
0:20 And welcome to the weekly podcast for real, practical tips. I'm your host,
0:30 the main voice, and protagonist, and I'm here to entertain educate and inspire you to live a life mate, the bottom line. So, let's get into it.
0:49 Well hello and welcome back.
0:51 Thanks for tuning in again. Happy 2021. It's a whole new year and shout out to you if you're not one of those people who think that just because the calendar year turned over. We no longer have any work to do because he would be incorrect or correct. I honestly can't remember, but as the year turns, as the Earth turns we still wake up each day, knowing that there is much much still to be done and much much still to be considered so I hope that you are of the camp who would like to continue to do that and then you're still here joining us in an attempt to do that so welcome back welcome to 2021. And thanks for being here. So, today, first episode of season two, that we'd start with talking about setting boundaries. And when I think about setting boundaries I think anytime I talk with someone about boundaries. There's just this kind of feeling of. I'm gonna use a textbook term here. A keenness, because we have such a negative connotation connotation to what boundaries are, think of boundaries is, you know, walls, and barriers and fences and gates and, you know, these really kind of negative and cumbersome things when in actuality, they don't have to be there is a quote that we're gonna say is a quote of the episode that I found on Instagram, of course. I want to read to you that I think really kind of encapsulates what our boundary should be, and how we can shift our mindset to approach boundaries and discussions about boundaries. So the quote says your boundary need not be an angry electric fence that shocks those who touch it, it can be a consistent light around you that announces, I will be treated secretly. And that's from giant john and i just feel like that is such a poignant way to really articulate what our boundaries are they don't have to be angry they don't have to be violent and in fact they shouldn't be. They should be just very almost imagine if you had like a clear force field around you.
3:14 Perhaps,
3:15 Bella, and Twilight. She could extend her forcefield right so it's just kind of. It's just a fluid thing that kind of encapsulates her or those around her keeps them safe but it's not an angry it's not mean it's not aggressive it's not any of those things. So hopefully that will help and get us re acclimated with what boundaries are. And if you're curious of, you know, do I even need boundaries,
3:43 how do I know if this conversation is even for me and again I'm happy to listen but I'm not
3:48 sure if I need boundaries. There are a few questions that you can ask yourself if you're unsure if you're trying to assess if you could do with some boundaries. Question one. Do you agree, when you actually feel like disagreeing. If you find yourself in a space where someone says something maybe close to you, man that's usually who boundaries start with that's typically who we have consistently in our space is the people closest to us or family members or friends, spouses, loved ones those sorts of things. So do you
4:23 find yourself in
4:24 conversation with someone and you agree simply to keep the peace.
4:30 Perhaps you agree
4:31 to avoid conflict, perhaps you agree to avoid a shift in the power dynamic, whatever it may be. So, something to consider. Next question. Do you feel guilty for taking you time.
4:46 This was something I really struggled with and didn't realize like I needed work on, because I was a little bit of everything
4:54 to someone.
4:56 And nothing to myself. And every time I would try to take a step back and say okay, actually, I can't do these things or no I'm not available or not able to take this phone call or any of those sorts of things. I would be met with resistance and then of course I would immediately feel guilty. And, you know, it was really easy to succumb to the guilt and just say okay well I don't want to hurt this person's feelings or I don't want them to think that they can't depend on me any of those sorts of things. And so then you know the cycle would kind of just continue. And so this is really difficult and very challenging to overcome it took me quite a while I'm talking a few years to work through that. And what I always reminded myself is that I can't pour from an empty cup and me being of service when I'm out of service is a disservice. I'll say it again and I'll break it down, me being of service to someone. So, you know, doing something for someone or helping someone when I'm out of service meaning I'm low on energy. I'm really tired I'm exhausted and cranky, it's not allowing me to be of the best service. So, if my goal is to help or, you know, be able to support and I would like to be able to do that. Not as a people pleaser but just as, you know, giving care to those around me there too has to be a bogus. And time for myself right so you can't be of service when you're out of service. So, can't pour from an empty cup to so long winded way of explaining that number three, do you feel taken for granted that you are giving more than you receive. If you feel like you're in a relationship you're in some sort of interaction. Now again, remember, these are relationships that are close to us we're not talking about engagement to a stranger because I feel like, for the most part we do a fairly good job of setting boundaries with strangers right and you're not going to let some person off the street just talk to you in any kind of way. It's where we start getting into our interpersonal relationships or familial relationships where things get really tricky. So, Do you feel like you're being taken for granted. Do you feel like you're pulling more quote unquote of your weight in a relationship or a situation is that, you know, I mean there's lots of follow up questions to ask what this question. Is that true. overinflating, what you're giving. Is there value and kind of tallying or checking all of the things that you are doing versus what you're receiving, but there's a lot of additional questions I would ask you to consider. But if just on general thought, you know, asking yourself these questions, your thought it's an immediate Yes. Things to consider right so number four. Do you often feel drained by your relationship. If after you have a conversation with a friend, or with a family member, do you just feel like you did mental Olympics Do you feel like you were jumping I don't want to say the wrong thing. I don't feel like I just really emotionally and perhaps specifically a tired, thinking I citizens that are there and number five. Do you have a strong fear is your self worth of value. Just kind of self identity rooted in the opinions or feelings of others. It's a heavy question. So boundaries on their surface sound like we talked about how they sound surface they sound like they're very easy to just state, how you feel and you carry on. And sometimes it can be that simple. It can be that straightforward, but there is a misconception that people specifically your family can and should have unfettered access to you at all times. And it does vary dramatically from family to family and culture to culture
9:09 but I
9:10 do think that that is one of the most challenging boundaries to set, because we're not used to having them. We're used to the dynamics of our interactions with our family members, let's say, you know, a parent to a child that's rooted in a power dynamic. And so there's a, there's something in that dynamic that doesn't necessarily allow for the most secure boundaries. and so there's this like when your parent that kind of supersedes whatever your boundaries are, I'll give you a really simple example. Let's say you you're grading your email, you come home from school and you know your parent asks you how your day is fine and they say that's acceptable and no something's wrong to talk to me about it right now. And what's happened there is you've just now overstepped a boundary. And because of the dynamic right as the, the adult to child relationship boundary is non existent right I'm the parent pay bills. I made the decisions you need to tell me what's going on. And I give this example, not to shame anybody not to shame anyone if you're a parent, and you've done this or you do this, currently, this isn't to shame you and this is not to speak disparaging to you that, you know, most of the time this is not intentional you're not trying to treat your children poorly, if anything you're trying to get them to communicate with you.
10:40 And to communicate with you when they're, it's uncomfortable. It's all about adjusting approach with those sorts of things so we won't get into that but that's just an example of something that more than likely, most if not all of us have experienced that really kind of makes what what is an example of what makes setting boundaries with your within your family dynamics so challenging. And again, it's not because they want to be mean to you or make you feel bad or they don't care you know like fuck your feelings it's not any of those things. It's just kind of the relationship dynamic has always been that way right it doesn't mean that it has to continue to be that way especially as you get older and you evolve and you kind of actualized yourself as an adult, which we're going to talk about adulting.
11:33 Because what is that.
11:37 But, you know, it just takes really honest and open conversations and really having the taking the approach that this isn't a bad thing and not chastising you anytime you said we're wanting to establish a boundary within any relationship you're in I think it's important to kind of leave with that that I'm not angry and not mad I don't want to, you know, leave me alone or any of those sorts of things but it's also important that we be very clear with what the intentions of the boundaries are so some things that boundaries are is they're healthy. They're about your personal comfort so your boundary isn't about serving someone else or making someone else feel comfortable and boundaries are unique, they're very unique they vary, individual to the individual and from relationship to relationship so the boundaries that I have established with between myself and Mr Ratan may be different between, but may be different for the boundaries that I have set between myself and perhaps mama modern. So, boundaries and what boundaries aren't which I think is really important for us to focus on is boundaries are not an attack, they're also not a suggestion or optional. So if someone sets a boundary and they're very clear and concise and if they're not, you know, of course, please ask additional questions, you know, tell me more of what, how would you like me to engage with that but
12:59 if if someone sets a boundary we have to do a good job of it to do a better job
13:06 of really respecting that boundary. And if you feel disrespected
13:11 or
13:13 upset or angry or hurt in some way. I would challenge you as a person in or engaging with someone else's boundary, to really strongly consider why you feel hurt disrespected or angry in some way for someone setting a boundary, they've identified a need within themselves individually and said hey, moving forward. This is what I need to feel safe and supported and, you know, of course, the language may, may be different, but if you are confronted with a boundary. And it makes you uncomfortable angry.
13:50 I mean my favorite thing to say is sit with it, and maybe consider why it makes you feel that way. So just some ways to practice boundaries, saying no and mean it without an explanation for a caveat. So, it's very difficult to get yourself out of the habit of doing this. I think I said in season one, you know, my friends will ask me to do something and I'll say oh maybe, you know, and they know it's a no. So I need to be more competent and saying no and just saying, No, thank you. That's not for me, leaving that be. It just kind of letting that letting it distress out there, and not feeling the need to say well it's not for me because or but I still value, you know you can say no and not need to explain
14:42 yourself and just
14:44 be like acknowledge any guilt that you may have that you may feel and work through it. So, if you say no, and you feel guilty about it. Right sitting with it working through it, considering why you feel guilty. What perhaps you can do with that kale how to redirect it and just kind of work through that. Remember that you are allowed to feel whatever feelings you feel. This is something that I think a lot of us struggle with, I know that I do is, like, I'll give you an example I'm completely over this endemic I think it's. And I feel like that's an unpopular thing to say. Currently, but it doesn't, I can be. I can be over the pandemic while still acknowledging our responsibilities for me so just because I'm over it doesn't mean that it's over. And this is just a reminder that two things can happen it can coexist at one time. So I can be open with endemic while also still being respectful and mindful of academic rights I can wear my mask I can social dissonance all of those sorts of things. And this isn't a political thing it's not a political statement whatsoever so let's not take it there. It's just an illustration of something that we're all kind of experiencing at the same time, but it's very online, it seems very problematic if you're the person who says like I'm over it. Like, we all are over it. I don't think anybody isn't over it and I think it's unreasonable for us to just be like, I don't care if you're over it like I don't care if you're over it, I do care if you're over it what I don't care about is you being irresponsible. I don't want to hear about to be responsible I do care though that you feel frustrated or tired or exhausted or bored, all of those things I do care about that and I do think it's important for you to feel those feelings. Like I said, though. I will not say that it is acceptable to then turn those feelings into being irresponsible. So, that's what I'll say, additional ways to practice boundaries, you are not anyone's emotion. So it's not your responsibility to manage anyone else's emotions. This is something I definitely struggle with as an empath so I engage with emotions and feel emotions at a very high level. My world is like just emotional city, all day, every day. But you know through work meditation therapy all of those wonderful things. I've been able to engage with others emotions without consuming them or having them become my own. And I know that lots of people do struggle with that, as you know, if you're in a relationship, let's say if your partner spouse has you know an emotional moment or emotional feelings. It's very almost expected to for you to become like the caretaker I'll help you through it. I mean there's a difference between being a caretaker and a support. Right, so I'm going to support you through this and let you know that I'm here to provide emotional support and assistance, but I'm not going to take on those emotions and manage them for you and and kind of work us through the emotions that you're feeling right I'll be your support, which is where you guide you drive the car, and I'm here as the passenger, you know, talking you through it handing in tissues padding your shoulder. Just an analogy, I mean, perhaps that could be what is actually happening but it's an analogy, versus, you know, we're in the car or the car or the emotions and it's like, oh, get pulled over, let me drive for you. So, you are not anyone's emotional caretaker. And the last and probably most important way to practice this, this idea of boundaries, is that you are enough, the current state that you're in is more than enough, even if you're working to improve, even if you're trying to be quote unquote better in some way. It's, you're still more than enough. And it's crucial to, to remind yourself that and as you approach anything that you do keep that as a reminder to yourself so,
19:15 um, like I said boundaries setting boundaries, realizing you need boundaries or that you didn't have boundaries or that you can benefit from boundaries, does not make you a bad person. If you don't have boundaries and you've realized you know there are a few things that I'm doing that are not benefiting me that I really want to try to work on it doesn't make you a bad person doesn't make you a doormat, or any of those things. It just means that you're taking a more assertive approach to what you need. And that is okay. So, and again as a reminder boundaries can be fluid and evolve with the relationship or with you. Right, so the boundaries that I had maybe five years ago, have evolved, because I have evolved right I've. The things that impacted me then that I needed a stronger boundary for now five years later, perhaps there's a difference in boundary there maybe there's a little bit more wiggle room and it's a little bit more fluid, because I'm a little bit more fluid boundaries do something that's really interesting and, you know, so if we if we've taken the time now to consider.
20:25 Okay, how do
20:26 I know if I need a boundary if we've answered those questions and then we have a little bit more of an understanding of what a boundary. What boundaries are and what they aren't. Well let's
20:38 let's kind of talk about what boundaries can do in terms of like how you others engage with them. The very thing that you can do is create realistic and expectations.
20:49 There's this a lot of things in our society of like being a down ashy chick or ride or die and those sorts of things like no matter what, I'm always down you call me to me at two in the morning I'm ready to roll.
21:01 I'm like if you call me in the morning two o'clock in the morning, it better be an emergency, and love all of you as I do people need people who
21:09 can even get through to my line at two o'clock in the morning, or the person who sleeps next to me and my mama. So, and they know that they're only calling me at two o'clock that morning because it's emergency. That's a boundary like, I don't want to be the person you call when you get drunk there's Uber and Lyft, do you know what I mean. And I'm sure like that can be taken. Anybody can hear that and say like, oh that's, that's kind of shitty like it's not though it's a boundary that I've established I don't need to be the person that you call at Dino two three of the morning, I don't want to be your drunk dial call. That's a boundary, but it creates realistic expectations right. I'm down for you I'm so I'll support you, I'm here for you but also like. Don't fuck up my sleep cycle,
21:56 you know what I mean.
21:59 So additional things that boundaries, do they allow you space to be your authentic self so it removes you from the need to perform, and so that first question was, do you agree when you feel like disagreeing. If you find yourself in a space where you're constantly agreeing to keep the peace or avoid confrontation. What you're
22:18 doing then by at that point is performing, and it doesn't mean that every single time you disagree
22:23 with something you have to engage with it right there's a difference between setting a boundary and not engaging in negative behavior so I want to kind of address that I don't want you to take this as like, Well, every time somebody says something I disagree with I need to engage. No, you don't have to. There's simply times when you can just not even let it bother you, but if you're in a situation where every single time, there's any type of topic or conversation, find yourself, you find that you're suppressing yourself and not being your true self. Then I would argue that perhaps you're doing a little bit more performing. And it's not necessarily the most beneficial thing to you because I just feel like if you're there's someone you have to, you're there's someone you're choosing to be around. And every single time you have to pretend to be someone else. I just question, what the necessity of that relationship is and how mutually beneficial it is. And I don't believe in non mutually beneficial relationships and I know it's very easy said than two easier said than done. But there are ways, right through boundaries that you can have a relationship that is still mutually beneficial and not necessarily in like you do this I do this, but like, I'm not going to be stressed out every time I engage with you. So that's what I mean there to boundaries also make spaces safe for you on your own terms. There's this thing that's happening currently on the internet, that's a trigger warning, which I feel two ways about, in some ways, depending on kind of, you know what I'm what I'm going to you for and what the content is is sure if you're about to send me something that is like horribly violent and
24:17 awful yes please
24:18 tell me because this is not something I want to engage in I want to be able to you know make my exit post haste. But I also think about. We don't really get trigger warnings for life, which I'm sure is going to be an unpopular opinion but I don't know that every space is an inherently safe space. And I don't say that to mean that, you know, shouldn't be or it should be. I'm just saying I don't know that every space is always going to be a safe space, but every space that you occupy, you can make a safe space, through boundaries. Right. So you can say, this is something I'm comfortable discussing what I'm not comfortable discussing is any of the functions of my body, any of the visual aspects of my body right so you may go into a space that's not inherently safe for you. For example, a family visit, I know this is a very big thing of contention during the holidays people visiting and if you're single your family brings it up and your weights fluctuate and they bring that up if you don't have kids yet your family brings up all of these things. So, this is a space where you're walking into, let's say as the example I just
25:41 said, you're walking
25:42 into the space and you know that the space is going to be met with, it's already swirling with things that are not safe for you or won't make you feel good, but as you begin to occupy that space, this boundary allows you to make this space, safe, you've set your own terms or you can set your own terms by not engaging or saying you know what this is not something I'm talking about this is not something I'm willing to discuss and not making any additional explanations because you're a grown adult and you don't have to. And when you have a boundary that set that is just this kind of sacred energy around you to protect you. When someone needs that with opposition and anger and you know Who do you think you are, you know those things while annoying frustrating similar to like a little nap. You just can kind of ignore them. Right, so, and then of course boundaries are also fantastic personal care. I didn't see this thing on Tick tock, which I think is interesting that said too much of a focus on self care can be an avoidance mechanism. That is interesting. So maybe we'll have to dissect that another episode but it does help give you self care if you're less anxious and less stressed out.
27:05 I don't think that's a bad thing. So if setting setting boundaries for others and how they engage with you and how you choose to engage with them.
27:14 I,
27:15 I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say I don't think that's a bad thing. So, there are multiple types of boundaries there five. Can I count yes there are five different types of boundaries, we're going to talk about the different types of boundaries and giving you an example of what those types of boundaries could sound like if you find yourself in a space where you'd like to begin setting some boundaries. So the first one we'll talk about is an emotional boundary anytime something is brought to you. It was brought to you where you encounter something that triggers an emotional response from you, but it's not one that you want to presently engage with, there's a potential there for an emotional boundary, and some an example of how to set that boundary could be I'm uncomfortable talking about this. This is not something I'm interested in really, so it's not something I'm interested in engaging in.
28:17 No,
28:21 you know, and of course, use the language that's most comfortable for you these are just examples.
28:26 You don't have to use these exact
28:27 words. But that's an example their next boundary we'll talk about is time or energy. So, if you're constantly. I am a very type a person so I like to be on time, I like to be
28:45 early and my version of on time is 15 minutes before. It's so, so, so rare that I'm pulling up to something. Late. And it's because there was some sort of CAD catastrophe that I didn't actually account for. On my way there. I'm always very early I'm always the first one there, because time is of importance to me it's not something you can give back. And, you know, if you're agreeing to do something or me or connect. It's important to me and I therefore make the necessary arrangements to make sure that I am there to make use of said time. So time is very important for me. Energy invested is very important to me. So I do not love when people just pop up into my space without notice I don't like that I've never enjoyed that. I don't like that I've always been very scheduled and very regimented not so much the various wiggle room, not so much that you know there's like a spontaneous. I'm fine with that. But in terms of like our relationships and those sorts of things. Please give me notice, please don't show up unannounced. And it's not because I don't I don't love you or I don't want you around but it's. It helps me function and make sure that I'm not in a space where I don't feel like I'm in the best headspace To do this you know if it's six o'clock on a Tuesday and you just pop up at my house, chances are I'm cooking dinner I'm like, What the hell's going on I didn't know if you were, I don't know, Sufi like these are all things that now are making me anxious. And I don't want to feel anxious so me asking you to be considered. My energy
30:32 is very reasonable when you take a step back, so that's an a tight end very long winded example of time or energy boundary material is another example of a boundary or a boundary type. My thing is cannot be used without my permission. So
30:47 if someone comes to
30:48 your home and they just immediately jump on something of like, oh hey this is. I have a very kind of open approach to how I engage with people and this is just me personally right if you come to my home. I'm not going to serve you. Like you get that one time, the very first time you come to my house. I'll ask you what you want to drink and I will literally serve you a plate of food, like that's it, you get a one time deal. After that, you're on your own. And if you ask me what's for doing, I'ma tell you to get up and go check the bridge. This is a very kind of common standard thing that you know people would gauge with me personally know about me. So, I don't have a material challenge in that way I don't have I don't have a necessity to have a material boundary, but let's say for example that's something you weren't comfortable with if you weren't comfortable with folks just coming into your home and walking straight into your fridge, that's off putting for you that's okay. It doesn't mean that, because I'm okay with it you have to be okay with it if you're not okay with it. This is an example. You know, my things cannot be used without my permission, or let me get that for you or I can help you. Something along those lines to say, I'm not comfortable with you behaving this way, it's like setting a rule a boundary, you know,
32:09 I don't, I don't like it. I don't like it.
32:14 And the last one is physical. And I think this is probably one of the most challenging ones, usually because physical is also tied with emotional my own personal experience. It's something because it's a physical focus it's some that focus on something that's physically on my body that also triggers an emotional response so usually these two go hand in hand, but an example of a physical boundary that could potentially need to be set my weight appearance or relationship status
32:46 is not a vertical discussion. This is a common thing. I am a woman, and I know lots of other women and female identifying folks that really struggle with this, there's a really strange engagement socially with
33:03 women and women's bodies and what we should be doing with them and how and how and whom we should be attaching to. And this happens very innocently very innocuously from women to women, men to women from all across relationship dynamics, where there's just a genuine concern that isn't malicious really have you know what's going on. How are you doing, You look like you've lost some weight You look like you've gained some weight. You don't have a boyfriend, you don't have a girlfriend. Are you seeing anyone win them babies common, you know, all of these things that are seemingly harmless seemingly harmless right but you never know what's going on with other behind the scenes and truly it's no one's business. And this is where the emotional and physical boundaries are really the kind of most challenging to engage with with your family because there's just this. Just kind of general exception that you know you're, talk to your family about things and I wanted to tell you that setting a boundary with your family doesn't mean that you're secretive doesn't mean that you don't love them, it doesn't mean that you care about them any less. It just means that you're a person you're your own individual person. And you talk with whom you're comfortable about talking about things with.
34:35 If that's your mom, then you talk with your mom about it if it's not your mom, then you don't talk to your mom about it, and you know it's it's really difficult to engage with that because you know it's like, well, why won't you talk to me about it I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me about it's just like you know it's not something I'm comfortable talking to you about. And it takes time and it takes you know a lot of difficult conversations right I'm gonna send you back to season one to work through those, these, these boundaries. And that really is a foundation having to congregate conversations is the foundation for a lot of these things, especially with how we engage with others. Because boundaries
35:15 are
35:16 challenging, especially if you've never had them. And so telling someone No. And then you know i'm not i'm not going to answer that question or I'm not gonna skate it's
35:28 like, what the hell is going on. What do you mean, what have I done right so it just, it's about having
35:34 those difficult conversations right taking a step back, giving them the space to process their emotions right because they're going to feel how they feel they're going to feel it or am I a bad person, you know, all of those things. So, if you're in the, in the realm or you feel like you'd want to perhaps start establishing boundaries or, you know, maybe learn a bit more I would say go back and listen to having difficult conversations and make sure that you're kind of equipped for whatever potentially may come your way with setting boundaries. So, see what. Now, another thing I will say too about setting boundaries and any of the things that we talked about that we have talked about and we'll talk about moving forward is that it's really important to constantly check in with yourself. I think a lot of times we can get in our own way and say to ourselves and this is kind of the ego talk here right of where I'm so good at this, right, like I could easily say like live a podcast
36:41 about it I
36:41 have a podcast about self care and wellness like I'm so good at self care wellness which is a damn lie. Like you can you can be in your own head so much like you can be your own hype person bill like I do so good at keeping boundaries like I do so good with my boundaries, I know I engage well with other people's boundaries. And then someone close to you can come up to you and tap you
37:06 on your shoulder in conversation say actually. I remember telling you that I actually don't like this and then you did it. And then you're immediately confronted with like, oh shit I'm not as great as I think I am.
37:21 And when that happens because it will it's inevitable right where people. It's important to like process that. And it's hard right because emotion is like the most reoccurring thing that we engage we engage with things emotionally before we engage with them, intellectually, and even people who aren't outwardly emotional still engage with things emotionally in their mind's eye they're still thinking
37:47 like, Ah,
37:48 either This is making me angry I'm irritated I'm annoyed. Chad this makes me happy. I feel neutral about this right that's the first thing we do is we start dissecting information as we process it through a lens of emotion. And so someone comes to you and says, you know, even if you're the person who is practicing boundaries and in your mind you're doing a great job that is, you know, engaging with others people's boundaries. If someone comes to you and says, actually, you kind of got me fucked up. It's okay to be like, Ah, shit. I thought I was doing great. I take the time because you're not going to do everything 100% right every single time. It just, it doesn't happen so like literally I will be on this podcast recording for 45 minutes to an hour, and talk to you about how I've grown and develop and the things I'm working on and the things that I used to struggle with that I don't struggle with anymore and acknowledge that I'm not near as good a bit as I think I am because once this podcast is finished, I'm on my way to go and actually antagonize and annoy Mr. Potter, because I'm problematic, because I'm a person and I'm problematic. And, you know, it happens, and I can do better, right, we are not experts here we are students. We are constantly studying and continuing to focus on moving the needle forward every single time every opportunity that we get right. It's how can I be, how can I handle this conversation better next time. How can I do better. How can I be better How can I be the best version of myself. But also, it's not going to be every day self care and wellness, you know, like some days, you're just gonna eat junk food. Right. Some days you're just not going to exercise. Some days you're not going to be able to articulate yourself articulate. Some days you're not going to be able to articulate your emotions exactly in the way that you want to. So, it's just a reminder that like you're not going to be the best at everything every single time that you do it, you'll make mistakes, they'll get it wrong. You can confidently apologize. Take ownership for your actions and move forward and I've said it before I think probably at least three episodes in the last season and I'll continue to say it because that's how you grow. You make mistakes you learn from those mistakes and hopefully you don't make those mistakes again.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
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“Your boundary need not be an angry electric fence that shocks those who touch it.
It can be consistent light around you that announces: I will be treated sacredly.”
