The Art of Saying No and Why Self Care is So Vital
The Art of Saying No, and why self care is vital. It is ok to say no. I’ll repeat that. It. Is. ok. To. Say. No. We can be so reluctant to say no. There is an unidentifiable amount of guilt associated with saying no. I find myself wanting to be helpful, and kind, and agreeable. But honestly, I’m tired too.
Are you cooking dinner tonight
? Nope. Listen, the world will not stop moving and you surely will not die if I don’t have a beautifully prepared meal for you. It is ok to not be superwoman or super mom everyday. We can think these thoughts, but then good old guilt rears its ugly head. So what happens? We cave. Do you ever think, “ if I don’t do it, it won’t get done?”
It is acceptable to be tired. Even if you work from home. I’m going to assume, for those of you that work from home (either 9-5 work, stay at home moms, or another job you may do) you’re not hanging out with your feet up eating bonbons all day…. sure, you may not be tied to a specified location, and there is more flexibility, but you’re still working. Amiright?!
Everyone requires a little bit of my attention and focus every day. But where is the time for me?
Should I feel guilty for wanting/needing me time? Who do I have to neglect in order to get that time? These are the questions I’m plagued with anytime I want to do something for myself. Can I please just have 30 minutes alone to watch an episode, hell to sit and stare at nothing even?!
You know why I have an issue with saying no? Guilt. I have an undeniable amount of guilt when I say no. I want to help, it’s part of my “nature” right? That innate sense of needing to help, to console, to be available. It is not SELFISH to need time to yourself. You can’t be helpful to others if you are rundown. I can’t make dinner or clean the house if I’m so tired that all I do is drop s***.
If no is hard for you, try, not right now, or, I need 20 minutes and then I get to (whatever).
While it’s been a trending topic as of late, self-care has been around for a while. And while it’s seen socially as a “millennial fad” there is value in it for all ages. Self-care is the intentional and purposeful focus on your mental and physical health. Perhaps, this is the first time in our history where we have had the luxury to notice we are run down. It’s safe to say it’s not because we have more “time”, perhaps we are just more aware.
Self care is different for everyone. I recently went to a brunch with some lovely ladies where we spent an hour plus talking about how each of us practice self-care. Does that sound silly? I hope we can acknowledge that there is value in doing for ourselves…
Why it matters:
We’ve come to a time in our lives where women are ABSOLUTELY CRUSHING IT! That’s not to say women weren’t #bossbabes since the dawn of time, but we do so much more now. I mean we have women who are running/starting businesses, working 9-5, mastering the side hustle, going to school, raising children, keeping their homes in order, and just generally being super heroes. It’s amazing, but also EXHAUSTING.
To be “on” all the time. To be a little something to everyone at all times, is near impossible. Women do it everyday. It’s not impossible, but it is not sustainable.
How I self-care:
I set aside time for something I enjoy. I cheat a little bit and multi task. But I take one hour to watch a show (maybe two depending ?) and fold laundry. David knows not to interrupt me, I think the key to having self-care work with a partner is in communicating your needs. I have a high functioning job, I’m always talking, presenting, educating. So I need to get myself either prepped for or calm down from my work.
As much as I wish David just knew what wanted, it’s not fair to assume that he will. So, I tell him. I’m gonna do the laundry and watch GOT (John Snow is bae, and I recognize only one queen, Queen Daenerys)
What’s nice is it sets up time for him to do his thing while I do mine. It’s simple and it doesn’t require you to plan anything.
Another thing I like to do, is to visit a local cafe, NOT Starbucks, and just order me a chai or a regular tea and just chill. I can take time and catch up on the Gram, listen to a podcast episode (see the 5 Podcasts you need in your life here
), or read one of the 12 books I’m trying to finish.
Free Self-care suggestions:
- At home mani & pedi
- Take a relaxing bath – While Foods has some legit bath bombs
- Take a walk
- Read a book at the park
- Meditate in the morning
- Have a quiet cup of coffee/tea/green juice/water for at least 10 minutes
It’s time for us to be ok with being selfish. Men are selfish all the time, because no one has ever told them it’s not ok. But since we were little, we were told to be kind, gentle, and giving. Those are nice qualities, but they can easily leave you depleted. Speak up. Say what you need more or less of and don’t be afraid to ask for help!
You are not less than if you need assistance. Rome wasn’t built in a day nor was it built by one person.
Share with me how you self-care in the comments!